After the fact

I did it.  I mean I DID IT!!!  Actually, I broke the fast last night.  It was a few hours before the 5 days were officially over, but I'm not going to  quibble about it.  I learned a lot about myself and my body.  These are things that I can't learn in a book or in a class or even by somebody else telling me about their own experience.  These are things that I had to find out for myself.  It is the basis for the idea of self-discovery.  I thought I understood, but I really never knew.  So, what am I talking about?

For me, the most enlightening moment came when I realized that I was free from the obsession over food.  That's not to say that I wasn't hungry or that I wasn't thinking about food, but because I had fully committed myself to this fast it wasn't an option to eat.  Therefore, I could enjoy the sunshine.  I was able to fully admire the lovely summer day.  I could truly stop and smell the flowers without the cloud of "what am I going to eat next" hanging over my head.  Just realizing that "cloud" exists was a blessing.

I've spent my entire life with an unhealthy relationship with food.  I blame it mostly on my dad (sorry dad!) because he instilled in me such a fear of becoming "fat" that dieting and weight loss has always been an obsession for me.  There have been two modes for me in life.  The first is being on the weight loss wagon and the second is having fallen off and while stuffing my face with all sorts of unhealthy, disgusting food I will be plotting my next attempt at jumping back on the wagon.  So you see, food is behind every thought, at the end of every event, motivating me constantly.  So, to say that I was FREE for 5 glorious days is not an exaggeration.

Now for the not so great (but still worthwhile) part.  Breaking the fast was a lot harder than I thought.  I expected it to be difficult, but I thought I would be able to handle it.  I mean really--I just went five days without food I can do anything right??  Well, I guess this is another example of needing experience to help you along the way.  I read all the books, and had a plan--but I am me.  I started out by drinking a quart of broth.  Yikes, it went straight through me.  I mean STRAIGHT through me (like a rocket).  So, a few hours later I tried a raw egg shake with some whole milk (I know there are a lot of you cringing at this, but I had my reasons which can be a post for another day).  That actually went ok.  No bad reactions.  Then I tried some fresh kefir with 2 TBSP. flax seed.  No problems.  Shortly after that is when I lost it.  A lifetime of bad habits apparently cannot be broken in five days.  It was like my body was saying (screaming) SHE FELL OFF THE WAGON--DIG IN!!  I hate to admit it but I ate a white flour roll and then not one but TWO chocolate chip cookies.  The remarkable thing was afterward I felt really ill.  My body has been so accustomed to my teeter totter of healthy and then unhealthy eating that I had lost all sense of a connection to my body.  Seriously, I could be uncomfortably full and full of gas and miserable and still be looking for something to eat.  My brain had no sense of what was going on in my gut.  So, when I started to feel sick I was rather surprised.  I actually wanted to stop eating.  Should I repeat that (more for myself than anyone else) I WANTED to STOP EATING!!  No willpower involved.

Later I was able to have a small bowl of mush which was ok.  This morning I had a lovely bowel movement and a vegetable juice for breakfast.  I feel good.  I mean I feel really good.  I'm actually glad that breaking my fast did not go perfectly because I learned something.  I know that I can reconnect with my body.  Not overnight and not in five days.  But, I can do it and really that is all that matters!

Day 3

Well, I survived the first two days of my water fast pretty easily.  I expected it to be worse.  I have been hungry off and on, but nothing terrible and I even went on a walk yesterday evening which was lovely.  I have noticed a thick white coating on  my tongue, which I expected based on everything I have read so far.  At some point, apparently, it will clear up and I will have a fresh mouth again!  I decided to have a colonic this morning and I can't help but feel "clean" now.  There really is nothing like a clean house!  My body is my temple and I am determined to take better care of it.

I am most surprised by how mellow I feel, despite some rather stressful events going on in my regular life.  I can't say that I have come to any life-changing revelations, but then this is only day 3.  God is good.  I will place my trust in him.

Here we go

Today I start.  I'm anxious, a little afraid, but mostly just ready to get going.  I've decided to address the "elephant in the room" right now and talk about my expectations for weight loss.  "The Fasting Cure" by Upton Sinclair was written in 1910 and as I was reading it I kept noticing a very unexpected attitude.  Upton mentioned a great deal of weight being lost while fasting, but it was almost as if he was apologizing for this fact.  He was always quick to follow up with some type of positive statement about how this weight was immediately regained as soon as the fast was broken!  Oh, how times have changed.

So, back to my expectations.  I'm not overweight.  I'm not terribly thin either.  So, I expect to lose some weight but not a lot.  Most likely I will gain it back after I break the fast.  Luckily, weight loss is not my primary objective here.  My body needs a rest.  Modern times, stress, pollution and the infiltration of a Western Diet (despite my best intentions) have made me weary.  I need a break and so does my body.

The beginning

I was recently reading a book by Upton Sinclair.  No, it wasn't "The Jungle".  In fact, the book is called "The Fasting Cure" and I have to say that Upton spoke to me.  I'm not a fan of being hungry so I was surprised that I am now convinced to give it a try.  To be honest though--my motivations are complicated.  I'm trying to figure out what I think and most of all reconnect my mind with my body.

So, I ask myself all the time:  "how is it possible that you do not know what you think?" I'm well educated.  I'm smart. I'm also getting older (isn't that supposed to equate with being wiser?), but often I find that either:  1) I see many sides of an argument so clearly that I find it difficult to plant myself in one camp or the other or else  2) when it comes to health and nutrition, my body and the current dogma or even what makes logical sense in my brain seem to disagree.   I think that Upton would nod his head at number 2.  In fact, perhaps there are many of us in this situation.  We think we've come upon the holy grail of health only to find out in a month or two (or day or hour) that we've gone back to our old habits and are again searching for that ultimate truth that will set us free from the tyranny of poor health.  This brings me back to the book "The Fasting Cure".  Upton was a big fan of true fasting.  That is to say NO food whatsoever.  Jesus fasted for 40 days.  I'm aiming for 5.  I've considered the popularity of juicing fasts and all the other popular "cleanses", but I think I'm going to stick to the basics for now.  Crazy?  Maybe.  I'll keep you posted.